Would you like fries with that? 800x600 resolution compatible. Microsoft dependent. Netscape intolerant.
.: Sonntag, März 30 :.
 
Conscious self
Overall self
main personality
mean personality
Take Free Enneagram Test

i never found the results on this enneagram test to my liking, but this time it sort of passed my approval. and hey it looks pretty nifty on my background ja? and no mean type does not mean meanie-mean, its average-mean.. though i have been weighing the seriousness of me turning out as an unlikeable entity, a lot of people have been using the word 'defensive' against me, and it seems like the fact i am, actually offends people. to the point of no return perhaps.. the numbers arent depleting thats for sure. but something is missing. kudos to you spotlighters and overall people-pleasers, luring fish to your hook like the enticing worm you are. wow that was harsh. hey theres more than one way to skin a cat right? seriously who wants to be an organism with no obvious head or tail, eating soil and no definitive gender. ill just stick to who i am and you can lick my toes :)

.: 11:12:00 PM :.
~ sink your teeth in.
 
Read Me

something from the past came up while i was chatting with some guy who keeps hitting on me (im not serious). i said my weekly sunday television series was getting monotonous and somehow the topic drifted to sex being a form of entertainment. is it? kill two birds with one stone, since its definitely exercise as well. i was in the midst of composing my previous post then so when asked what is entertaining to me, i replied sunsets. lol. nature referred to WWF and it suddenly occured to me that i have a piece of work done last year for my word-image association project. the other favourite of mine would have been (tie)-po-(graph)-y, i hate having trouble getting a printer. settling for black and white prints takes away some much needed character for certain presentations. back to wwf, i did a text-based version of their popular positive and negative panda logo, which i had to fill up all the black parts with text that did not cut off abruptly or spouted nonsense. so i made the effort to write an environmentalistic essay to fit the shape of all the pandas black areas. most of it is honestly off the top of my head and emotional. from a pandas point of view. i dont know what i was thinking back then, but it sure as hell is ridiculous to be reading it now. i was desperate to complete it! nevertheless, im pretty much an egomaniac when it comes to accomplishing something worthy of praise :)

it works in the same concept as a chubbchubbs natural instincts; you be nice to me and scoop me up in a bucket, ill purr and rub myself against you. i always thought that if you cant say anything good about someone or something, you should refrain from saying anything at all. anyway if you intend to brandish heavy weaponry and scream your lungs out at the sight of me, i shall be unable to control the urge to crank up my garbage disposal type teeth and pounce on you, scurrying away from the sandstorm as fast as my stubby pair of legs will go when im done revealing my insatiable ensurient.. in search of a comfy manja session with my security blanket. ah.. looks can be so deceiving.

.: 1:02:00 PM :.
~ sink your teeth in.
 
Get the habit of work and quit being an "inspirational" author -- which is merely another name for a loafer.
- Edgar Rice Burroughs -

if i had balls, that quote would kick me squarely right there. i am back to sleeping round the clock, neglecting important tasks still waiting to be done. startled from sleep by a most unexpected phonecall, i squinted at the number on the screen with vague familiarity, answered it and related the enthusiasm to chocobo. i dont know why he calls. he hung up shortly after realizing i was still very much unawake, commenting that the hour was such a wierd (as he would spell it) time to be sleeping. probably didnt bother to call back thinking ive been getting some, as does every other visitor seems to conclude.

ANYWAY, i havent painted a picture of a sunset in a long while now.. today i saw a one in a million sunset. i was rendered speechless and typed frantically asking whoever i was chatting with to look out their windows (unfortunately for them their view was not one facing the west). when you think sunset, you imagine a ball of fire bright enough to glare at you, yet dim enough to stare at, half buried beneath the horizon emitting warm colours as far as the eye can see. or something related. usually what qualifies as a good sunset includes the visibility of an orange globe or the aftermath of reflections shown in the clouds. this was one of the latter.

i drew back the curtains and behold; the most beautiful sunset i have ever seen in my life. if it were a red dawn, i wouldve believe blood had been spilt the night before. there was no sun to be seen yet the glow in the sky held its pride, gleaming in a crimson i cannot describe (whoa that rhymed) the clouds for a minute or two were not clouds, but blots lined up as informal as rows could seem. words fail me, i still see it everytime i close my eyes. they seemed to march toward the horizon, obeying all rules of perspective.. disappearing in the distance. who would have thought a sunset could be more breath-taking without the sun?

.: 7:46:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Samstag, März 29 :.
 
Congratulations! Pyriel now has increased Level!!!
*** SUPER BONUS - You went up 3 points!! ***

winning 10,000np on the wheel comes a close second to the perks of the game. training is a real chore, but it will all be worth it when the time comes to kick ass in the coming battle. i had originally planned for an outdoor saturday, but given the uncooperative crowd i have to work with, ended up being stranded here just like every other day before this, failing to satiate my craving for meat. missed the pc fair at pwtc simply because i did not want to go by myself.. i had but one kind offer of companionship but time is of the essence and hes too far away *pout* seems a blur how things came together, in a flurry i got a piece of fried chicken from sadi, The ChubbChubbs invaded my pc, hunted down my kidnapped vcds and borrowed something along the lines of chicago, gollum came over to control the situation, followed by juin who squealed in delight at the (chubb)²s antics after his dip in the pool. life seems simple and sweet. the little dinner celebration did happen after all, though far below minimum expectations. i had much too high a level of nicotine in the system to have a decent appetite, i did learn how the two like their eggs though. tom yam instant noodles, chicken frankfurters and fried eggs. a loaf of bread. oh and a can of longan that was found lying around on a kitchen shelf. with lots of ice cubes. i adore the fluff on those little mogwai-gremlin creatures. ive watched it over 6 times since i got it in the evening. niceee...

at some point in a conversation, i always think people talk too much about themselves. like theyre just so full of it. and in my mind i randomly pick at their sentences running a random phrase generator just to see if i am exaggerating or they really cant stop going on and on about their needs and their lives and their point of views. i believe i do that too. but only with people i take as close friends whom we actually exchange periods of this selfishness. and i do keep in check with a self-consciousness that i am talking too much. thats when i pop a question and pass the ball. can they not tell when someone is not interested to listen to them anymore? like, isnt it darn obvious when a person has left the apartment and is standing outside the door ready to wave goodbye, you should shut that hole in your face and back off? i guess its just me. its odd, the people you want to hear talk endlessly wont utter more than a word. ive grown used it to though. id choose comfortable silences over mindless one way chattering anytime. forgive me, you kind souls who put up with my whining. perhaps if my mentality allows it i shall discard the awful habit. i just let my temper flare and told off a fragile self-loathing male. its for his own good. cruel to be kind, they say..

.: 7:56:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Freitag, März 28 :.
 
i walked down the street
and i dont give a damn,
the people they stare
and they ask who i am,
& if by chance i should run over a cat,
i can pay for the damage if ever so bad.

beetlegun: they do not see what lies ahead when sun has failed the moon is dead

spared some time to sulk in front of the idiot box watching the quiet american. thought about many bad things and felt urges to make hasty departures from here, there, everywhere. even from kaninchen. but i would miss the "sooooo much"es i get to hear once in a while dearly. given the right circumstances, anything can be turned inside out. today is one such example. by majority it was a disappointing day. the past few days might as well have not existed. then my muscles wont have to be antropied, i wouldnt have to be stricken with fever from the mother of all storms. i was wading in water up to my ankles and soaked to my knees :) its okay rain. i still like you. even though the head flu sucked. comes like a comet, its the 9th day of the war already. i think. while im complaining about a lil water falling from the sky, warriors at heart are braving explosives as though theyre fireworks. i salute you unfortunate innocents of the war. i hope the nightmare ends soon enough, so i can resume whining without feeling like a complete idiot ignorant of the worlds pain. my own dreams have unspeakable stupidity in them. thats what head flu does to you i guess. very fitting to have downpour during times like these. makes me wanna burst out singing 'rain, rain go away.." maybe cramp a lung or two. add to my list of ailments. ooh do i feel a wisdom tooth coming..
some words to live by (radiohead): holy cow! you do it to yourself, you do, thats why it really hurts, you do it yourself, just you, you and noone else, you do it to yourself.

.: 6:49:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Mittwoch, März 26 :.
 
whoa i passed out. i thought id go lie down for a bit to let some blood flow to the head, ended up dead for the next 5 hours or so. i didnt even finish the previous entry, but clicked publish when i got up. body is starting to complain about my crash exercising + weight lifting throughout the past few days. certain aches can be very enjoyable. back to ramblings of the expo, one girl cried cuz she couldnt take the criticism. juin says i look so sien and bored during the presentation. sien and bored mean the same thing! ok so thats probably code for you look like shit. hed seen the evaluators marking sheet and knows my marks. i dont want to know though, apparently he said its above average :) i was already reclining a little before my turn, sitting on the cold tiled floor watching people make enthusiastic poses at their booths. honestly i didnt even want to own up to my work. lol. hakuna matata? yea put the past behind you. it feels wicked to be exhausted and force yourself to keep awake. and of course with lack of maintenance in the cosmetics department, id admit i look bad. everyday. but today especially. but some people see right past that. i wonder how they do it. in the words of my classmate; lei chou meh mm moi kam fei, ngo kok tuck lei wui hou leng lor.. :o not just leng. hou leng. in justines spelling terms; walaowei. hmm, nice to have my ego stroked while im functioning on diluted 3-in-1 coffee and cheap cigarettes. other than the lameass cold fries i had in the evening with coke, i dont remember eating any solids today. the water i drank out of my fridge never tasted so good o_0 its been a long day cut short, the completion of final works have an amazing cathartic property about them. had previously set a date with kaninchen, but yesterday is long gone.. ho hum. what now? it rained in my sleep and my bed speaks to me. a nice scrumptious celebration meal would top everything off perfectly. ah heck, i better go back to the dead before other things start talking to me. or should i eat first. decisions, decisions.. i love being enveloped in utter freedom with nothing in particular to do! doesnt matter if its only temporary either, my grey matter is oblivious to the repercussions of.. yknow.. stuff.

.: 11:42:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.
 
Exposition

yesterday was one bad thing after another, being the last day before final project submission deadlines, flipped an inch long nail against its natural direction of growth whilst struggling with my brand new glue gun, pushing my stamina to the limits with uphill cycling at noon, promising myself never to beg for anything or rely too much on anyone. i have a pair of legs and two hands. bus 11 is always available, despite the fact i can only carry 1/3 of my project at one go. i better make this quick, i just dozed off trying to read some words and make sense of it..

it was a serious struggle to have accomplished the amount of work i did on such short notice, perhaps the strain of effort is secretly enjoyed by me. i love my best friend. this morning around 6-7am, he came over even though he was occupied with intoxication and his own work. i was already drifting by then, unable to concentrate long enough to even blink, i continued to fight the reluctance of working. when we left my place, he proved his great strength by carrying 2/3 and practically held my hand throughout the ordeal of adapting to what might turn out to be the worse day of my life. thank you gollum.

things took a turn for the better after his departure, i refused to go for a smoke with him because i was too bothered about how nicely printed everyone elses work is and weak from not sleeping at all last night. i smoke marijuana and ice. btw, everyone likes the grass. im a little sorry he missed my crit session though, i found an uncovered ribbon section directly opposite the afroman. its an awful thing comparison but id rather have my hair. i spent more time waiting and me staring into space than anything constructive. even cheryl came by and shes hardly ever on campus, the roommates. i feel so loved by the support you all have given to me.

apparently my presentation went rather well, deserved some applause and photo snapping. im so glad its done and over with, i did not fail!

.: 9:43:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Montag, März 24 :.
 
N†ðßë (2:34 PM) :
ich lerne zusatzübungen :D was machst du?
Friesengeist (2:35 PM) :
ich esse kartoffelchips ^^
N†ðßë (2:35 PM) :
wow i understood that. ur eating potato chips. hahahaha
Friesengeist (2:36 PM) :
yesss :]
N†ðßë (2:38 PM) :
ich bin intelligent!! *lächelt*
Friesengeist (2:38 PM) :
haha, absolut ^^

thats my friend lasse. hes an elf from kiel. he likes mustard with his carnivore dishes. i shouldve ask him to do my german essay instead of attempting it on my own, he couldnt stop laughing about my short introduction of kopfkissen and missing elephants. he also has a strange phobia of girls. but thats in the past, i think. in germany you get to have sessions with shrinks for free. pretty much all their medical expenses do not exist, or so the impression was made by me. i realize i cant make decent sentences off the top of my head. im still unsure of how to say 'i want..' in german. na ja... at least i learned how to say ' i miss you'.
i do not have any time management skills. i simply float around like a fuzzy lalang seed, without any idea where i will land or how i shall adapt to the alien surroundings once i am anchored. helpless and hopeless. i finally got my package from the courier dude today, went over to sadis place to scan the sensory diagrams. the whole process took less than 5 minutes but i ended up hanging around for over two hours. okay so i half hoped they would give in to my whines and cook me something to eat, didnt happen. i tattooed 80% of sadis upper arm with a black felt tip permanent marker. it started out small then the monkey got demanding, so i just continued from where i left off, it started out as a duplication of the back of a deck of cards, rather flowery.. then tribal, geometrical and organic.
all i did was bantai whatever i could think of to fill up the space, so some parts look spontaneously smashing while others are just a blotchy eyesore. oh well, my efforts are going to fade off his skin in a matter of days anyway. persuading the monkey to on his webcam so i can at least get a printscreen of it.. haha. i dont think id be completely worthless if i dropped out of university. its not like i plan to pursue a career in whatever i am studying at the moment anyway. the future seems unusually bright despite my endless lethargy and extremely close encounter with failure in the next few days. that, and the fact i still havent found a placement for training. sigh.. maybe its because i dont know the value of money or how to earn it yet. my first meal of the day is going to be spam and bromate-free bread. i need to eat better. preferably brain food. otherwise this little joke might become a dilemma of mine:
"Your brain has two parts: left and right.
The left has nothing right in it. And the right has nothing left in it!!!"

.: 4:23:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Sonntag, März 23 :.
 
ANTS marching

Optimizing Your Brain: Kill the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts); interesting short article i received from one of the few newsletter subscriptions that escaped cancellation. somehow when friends or people you know tell you the same things, it becomes unnaturally 'asiawork'ed, but reading it with mentions of doctors and national health institutes makes it easier to accept the fact that i have ants. omg what did i just say; im siding medical practitioners? someone call pest control. or get me positive ants, namely APTS. lol. next time anyone starts a negativity problem with me, im just going to tell them ive got ants. yea ants, yknow a-n-t-s. let them go figure it out. *smirk*

i am partial to black and white objects, a recent revelation. as i used to marvel at my own creativity of making up an unintentional parody of an eminem song, "they call me sushi, im black and white". i thought those were fricken A lyrics but discovered there arent any wordings of the sort, its just my intoxicated mind playing games with me. sushi is mostly + and -, i consider the seaweed dark enough to be termed black. then it hit me i have a panda on here as well as the addition of babaa, and theres always the toman fish, with its smooth white belly. the last unicorn has made a comeback in my life. "ive had time to write a book about the way you act and look, but i havent got a paragraph. words are always getting in my way, anyway i love you. thats all i have to tell you. thats all ive got to say."

my childhood friend decided to drop by a little after 12am. with ah boy and michael. im still quite amazed they managed to find their way here. the original reason of visit being marijuana -the state just happens to be dry- and her compilation which has not been compiled. it almost put me in cardiac arrest to know she was coming over. somehow it was all too surreal. i concluded shes my epitome of reality. and having her over made my make belief existence behind a computer screen all too obvious. everyone reacts in the same way when they visit me here. its like being in the middle of a deserted island out at sea. but they came in a boat so they can leave. ive been here for three full years now. unbelievable. im still wondering if she really was here or did i just hallucinate it due to a cruel overdosage of nicotine and caffeine. argh.

based on the quiz i took, it has been determined that i am a ...Chocolate Girl! my personality is rich and endearing. And like chocolate, i am satisfied- and satisfying. Comfortable in all situations, i sometimes let things slip. But that's okay, because I'm blissfully happy and the world is wonderful to me! wtf. why am i getting all this bring it on half full yaya results. am i turning into one of em happy people. okay so soon i am going to be scared of myself. gasp. accused of insinuations in the guild, i decided once and for all to pack up and leave. after unleashing the most revengeful point blank tongue lashing i could muster up. im sick of losing my patience tolerating old people i do not know who use big words i have to look up on dictionary.com. damn i lost a ton of neopoints with all the furnishing i contributed to the guild neohome. im going to pretend theyre sorry over my departure. heh.

i dont really know how to appreciate abstract art. my interpretation of it is questioned simplicity and philosophical definitions. basically, you come up with nothing spectacular but give an astounding explaination about it. lol, no offense to the creator though. who am i to belittle gallery quality work, when i dont have anything in there myself. am i one to talk or what.. hell yeah. its been a long day. i got a shade darker, dirt under my talons, tangles in my snakes, braved the rain and wind, excavated many sites.. i cant afford to lose track of time, there is but a pinch of grain left to give in to gravity in the hour glass. yet here i am writing the days irrelevant matter into sentences. the ants are building an anthill with my soil. wheres an anteater when you need one?

.: 4:40:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Samstag, März 22 :.
 
liebe Kopfschmerzen,

ich hasse dich. i had bak kut teh for lunch. it wasnt bad, but it wasnt great either. there was like what.. three small pieces of pig intestines? i burned my tongue. siu dou lei and lat dou lei are pretty different. i make errors while speaking cantonese mainly because i translate it from english. i felt manipulative for inviting people to go eat solely for the purpose of buying a plastic aquarium. the atmosphere in a fish shop usually brightens my day. i tried to bargain with the shop owner and ended up learning that the tub of worms beside the tray of maggots have nestum for breakfast. the tiny carp are going for rm1 per 25 fishies now. oh and by comparison, my flowerhorn could fetch up to over a hundred ringgit. sweet. a1 sized boards are rather rare. i dont understand why factories make paper based material in all sorts of sizes but not many according to a1,a2,a3 etc. sizes. also, i suggest that someone make spray mount refillable. its hellavu costly to keep buying this stuff which runs out so quick. most of the glue flies off with any significant amount of air movement anyway. and the can is definitely not practical for recycling. we need faeries in our lives. something along the lines of the shoemakers elves would be good. sleeping seems like such a waste of time when things get hectic.

about yesterdays episode, i have been expecting my electronics to be couried to my doorstep (no not really) for the past two days but they never arrived. i dont check my pigeon hole every day because its out of the way and the stupid courier dude left sorry notes in it to prove his innocence and the fact he did try to deliver me my package but apparently i was not at home. damnit i slept less to wake up early waiting for his call. people courier items because it is urgent and they want it to reach the recipient fast. at the rate of this asinine courier service, pos laju would have been far more dependable. i suspect he lied about being at my doorstep because i could easily detect a visitor knocking with the padlock, i dont believe i couldve not heard someone shouting my name. and of course the sender had to make things worse for me. im beginning to resent a lot of people in my life.. but bad teachers especially. if you dont have the patience to bring up good students, go find another job. its a budding human being youre dealing with and rubbing in the fact theyre lazy or slow blablabla, does not help in any way. i guess they dont realize the importance of their roles. im sorry to say it is very inconsiderate on their behalf to cancel a trip and replace it with high expenses at our cost. im even more sorry to admit the whole spoon-feeding culture back in primary and secondary school has ruined our initiative to strive for anything less than the wonderfully tempting "pass" status.

i found out that at least one person will be failed for quality control purposes in an academic year. i wonder who it will be. to me, as long as a student fulfills the requirement of a project and does their work, most of it at least.. noone should be allowed to fail them. hundred percent project based subjects should be that way. screw the education system. bad grades are one thing, failing is a catastrophe. it also means you have to pay the same amount to retake the same subject.. and that aint no small sum here. heard they proposed to start our major earlier with the new batch, because all the work we did as first year students really has nothing to do with what we are going thru at the moment. we know a little of everything and a lot of nothing. they treat us like lab rats. i really ought to be doing my work, sorting out the colourful research for printing.. finding victims to pose in my product testing photographs, collecting soil samples for my beloved soil monolith with workable underground stream. i am majoring in interface design by the way. was it a dead giveaway? could you remotely find any connection between what i am doing and what i am studying? i might as well go sign up as a volunteer with national geographic and hike up everest to study avalanche mechanics. then i wont have to pine after snow anymore.

.: 1:51:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Freitag, März 21 :.
 
weinen ~

i broke down so bad just now. still am breaking actually. i cant talk when im really upset. my throat gets knotted and my eyes flood. so i end up choking. sooner or later i cant breathe either. i hate this :( i hate it when its not my fault but you make it seem like it is anyway. white little notes with Sorry! on them do not remedy the situation at all. i was supposed to go back, it was my excuse to return. why are you keeping me away.. i cant resist the emotional pain washing over me. that and my suspicions of having a head tumour. again. damn everything. it hurts somewhere inside the back of my head, ive never had a headache like this before and its lingered for days. life is giving me a lot of bad signs, i suppose it isnt appropriate to expect a termination of contract so suddenly.. am i being pressured into discontinuing the nifty agreement i have? why wasnt i told to read the terms and conditions before beginning this timeless epic? i wonder how long it will take for this to override my sensibility and thoughtfulness; that i may just.. *sigh* its never going to happen it is. i guess not. im jaded and stupid to top things off. yay.

riding on a yo-yo isnt my idea of having fun. then again i dont know how to have fun do i. the hurt is so raw. i once argued with kaninchen about surpressing things and keeping them to ourselves. if you cant beat them, join them. i dont think i could survive any real contact with people anymore. especially not when theyre far away when i prefer them close by. its almost absurd for me to ask how i got here in the first place. but i remember the tragedies more than the comedies. and i know im just prolonging an inevitable crash into reality. in reality, every day is just as bleak as the last, the sun gives us gifts of cancer, the rain scalds with acid, rainbows are just light spectrums that colour blind people dont see whats so special about them. in reality, there is no you in my life and no me in yours.

my headache is killing me. why am i not dying :(

.: 3:07:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Donnerstag, März 20 :.
 
Error 507:Unable to contact file transfer service (server:page)

obsessive to the extent of intolerable errors. only paid users get tech support. free users get wired bras for support. impatiently trying and retrying to overcome Error 203:java.lang.NumberFormatException, i learned what is an ampersand while displaying extraordinarily poor anger management skills. at least i have gotten smart from way back and never click post without select all and copy first. babaa has been entertaining guests for a few days now, im only keeping it around for eapie and the stupid rhyme i set on the marquee. changes here have been overall good. i am living on a giant mood swing, but have nice persistent people who bwear wif me. wotsa wuv.

i entered juins flash website in netmouse and hes complaining that he only has 120> hits.. i consider that great progress for a design website. surprisingly he sent me a link for the one and only url under the adult category and whaddyaknow. gollum just recommended the same url to me recently! what are the odds of that! i told juin: wow i wanna go do something drastic like dye my hair blue and put on heavy make up take picture and submit. he said: i'll support u :)
who wants to photograph me semi-nude? rotflmao. everyone digs a goth chick at one point in their lives. oh before i forget. things have gotten a little heavy in the guestbook. incest and rape. where the hell did these people drop by from o_0 are my twisted thoughts being channeled directly to a pornography webmaster? mistress? okay all this talk of udang is getting a bit too kinky. i attract the wrong kind of attention. always.

cheryl came by today. havent seen her in ages, caught up with her drama episodes which ive been missing out on. gave her a pig. i dont know how she went from saying my room is so organized to accusing me of having sex. its the season of lent again, thankfully. or my chocolates wouldve been devoured. lights are so nice. everything is hazy in my head, i cant even translate malay into english right now, the horror. as tho last nights mein leben wasnt enough, now i have a law paper to write. section 265 and 266 of communications & multimedia act 1998. bummer. if you want an easy life and cold hard cash; heres how you earn rm3.5k a month. be a linguistics lecturer at a private university. 3 hours or less a day, 2 days a week. a hundred buckaroos an hour. my kinda ambition. lets recite a german tongue twister;
Zusatzübungen
Sieben Ziegen
blieben liegen,
sieben Fliegen
flogen weg.


war willi wo? willi war wo? wo war willi? wo willi war?


that has a nice rhythm to it but the three letter word is rather taboo. parental unit M had to call me to get her mind off all the bad news the media is churning out. the suspense a.k.a. terror grows. as did the width of my content. i got a lovely review from a stranger, im still not used to this added width. i dont seem to be adapting to it. seems to make my posts look even longer. more disturbing coincidences can be found not only here and there but also in real life, as juicy bits about a certain josh lim is exposed by his ex-class mates. *grins*

i received a (no number) voice mail in the late evening, turns out veritas called again promptly after that and saved me from the annoying chocobo pecking away at my so called bitterness towards life. he called all the way from australia, believe it or not. this is my first ever overseas phone conversation. really. i guess i kinda let him down when i revealed my mandarin is unspeakable of. i wasnt really prepared for such a long distance call, this could very well be one of those little surprises that pop up in life. too many plugs in one post, must.. click.. publish.. bef..ore.. c.o.n.ti..nu..ing.. m..o..r..e.. g...i...b....b...e... r... i... s...h...
·´¯`·.¸.·° {o_o;} -oh look its a tentacle!

.: 5:29:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Mittwoch, März 19 :.
 
Subdued

the nightlife for me would probably be zoning off whilst looking out the window. nothing special. then i start to notice things i never noticed before. the white painted arrows on the tar road. turn left, go straight or turn right. my eyes follow the road and what do they come upon; crossroads. the thing is those arrows led off to different paths before the crossroads, of course the roads do not differ all that much at the crossing but if one chose to divert their course earlier.. they would not be facing this pause and indecisive situation. i do not want to dwell on this. so i focus my attention on something else instead; the orange luminance of a streetlight. a blob of it appears to have come off and is dangling in close range, swinging like a pendulum. the glowing dot begins flitting and something stored in the dusty shelves of my mind tells me its a firefly. just one orange firefly. i didnt know they came in a variety of fluorescent colours. maybe ill see a pink one if i keep staring. nah.

why do mosquitoes leave tiny dark coloured particles around them when you manage to sandwich them between something? sort of like a dust bunny. not that i have had any close encounters with those. some things i found on a 14 y/os site. below you will find a typical fill in the blank thing, who knows what for. maybe some people from my hoards of fans will decide to entertain my pathetic need to be stroked. ego-wise that is. doesnt matter which direction. fill away...

I ____ teddybwear.
Teddybwear is ____.
If I were alone in a room with teddybwear, I would _______.
I think teddybwear should _____.
Teddybwear needs ______.
I want to ____________ teddybwear.
Someday teddybwear will ________.
Teddybwear reminds me of _______.
Without teddybwear, _______.
Memories of teddybwear are ________.
Teddybwear can be __________.
_________ is how I describe meeting teddybwear.
Worst thing about teddybwear is _________.
Best thing about teddybwear is _________.
I am ________ with teddybwear.

What Color Is Your Aura?
We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Gold vibe. You couldn't ask for a better color - a glistening gold aura is as good as it gets. A lively blend of yellow and orange, gold people are happy, playful, energetic, sensitive, and generous. Always up for adventure, you'd give a friend in need the shirt off your back. You're spiritual, too - all those halos in old paintings aren't colored gold by coincidence. Almost childlike in the carefree, joyful way you live your life, you're popular and outgoing with your large circle of friends. Chances are you're so full of light and energy that you sometimes find it hard to sit still and chill out. Instead, you're constantly looking for excitement, no matter how risky or impulsive the occasion. Happy-go-lucky and always laughing, you truly are as good as gold.

if youre hoping to get something negative on this test; forget it. i looked through all the possible results and theyre as perky as cold nipples. part of the quiz asks; Rate yourself as a lover: okay so i lied here. i put Lukewarm instead of Cold fish. i feel like the latter right now. mean streak coming on strong. oh i almost forgot i got a "I still love you, goose." about 24 hours ago from him. yes i shall have to come to terms with the undeniable fact that the world has gone mad and people love cold fish. even without the lime on the side.

.: 5:32:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Dienstag, März 18 :.
 
He who is only wise lives a sad life.
- Voltaire -

staring at cigarette smoke, watching it stream upwards almost in a straight line.. after a short distance however, it bursts into individual swirls and ribbons. despite the air being dead still. explain that. it keeps going heaven bound.. but it isnt long before it dodges in wisps and disappears into thin air. someone suggested that i should go see a doctor for medication, more than one person actually. i declined. its actually sort of funny how i have emotional confrontations with myself in public, like how i slipped into mild hysteria and barely screamed 'i am stupid' into confession, repeatedly i should add. simply because i got an A for geography (i stress this was over half a decade ago) yet forgot plastic is formed somewhere along the different levels of processing petroleum. plastic? petrol? where is the bloody connection in that?

my biceps hurt. its not like they were not protesting while i carried eight feet worth of thick metal piping around for a definite distance of over one kilometre. dont ask what i was doing with them. for the first time in a long while i actually thought about homework. simultaneously controlling the urge to see how easily i could smash in a car windscreen with my pipes. my cognitive capabilities have indeed slowed down a lot. and my memory might as well not be there if it isnt going to remember anything for me. so much for selective memory. ive been more edgy than normal, countless times ive offended gollum. it doesnt feel right. everyone seems to frustrate me with their smallest flaws, i dont understand how i put up with it before. not that this needs to be said but i must be the nightmare of socially inept people.

it rained in the evening, clearing some clouds for the moon at night. i woke up at half past 7am with a start. you know you have no life when you dream about killing mosquitoes with aerosol spray. this new fumakilla orange canned stuff smells a lot nicer than the previous h2o formula i had. the warning and caution says; Avoid inhalation of spray mist. im slightly addicted to it. i dont know if the orange colour gives a psychological effect, i swear i detect a whiff of citrus when i try to eliminate mosquitoes. directions for use says; Spray upwards with a sweeping motion for 8 seconds. how the hell am i going to kill them that way? theyre all hiding in dark corners waiting to pounce and feed on me :( small pools of blood stain my pillow cases, bed sheet and comforter thanks to these evil creatures. they seem to be immune to everything except physical death, to think i bother getting sticky with insect repellents for no reason. oh wait im slightly addicted to that smell as well. might as well be sniffing glue at this rate.

eapie sent me an e-mail yesterday morning. just because of my last post. it was much appreciated. didnt think anyone would take me seriously enough to do that. made me sadder than i was though. im semi-barred for moral, and got a pathetic 14 for the law mid-term. hey its almost half of 30 is it not? juin bought me a tile and i painted it today. i was going to put "piss on earth" (something influenced by a lesbian named jessica and her obsession with red devils) but they specifically ruled out any form of controversy so i spelt peace the right way. i painted the earth, the sun and the moon with a couple of stars. the sun had a smiley face on it and the stars look like dog-bitten shreds of post-it notes. very pre-school. i liked it. i liked painting it.

i never really fight for anything, not the things i know i cant keep, nor those i probably could. i dont consider it to be the same as losing, because i give them away willingly. charitable eh. i would like to take this opportunity to thank (golden globe awards were on last night) all of you who have stood by me through my shitty times, made me smile when i wouldve done otherwise, offered support when i couldnt seem to stand on my own. it is such a waste for your love and care to fall upon an echo. it keeps going, fooling you who listen into hearing it louder when it is in reality stretching and gradually fades with every pulse into the distance.. sooner or later.. its no more. sometimes it catches you by surprise and you dont even get the chance to say goodbye.

.: 12:34:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Sonntag, März 16 :.
 
its been a long time since i got a letter. back when cucciolo was still around for me to lean on, he would write every other day. then it became every other week, and every other month.. right now id be so glad to even hear from him once a year. i miss him. i miss the way he dotes on me. no i miss him more. sigh ;_; call it an excuse but i feel so miserable that i dont get letters anymore. neither handwritten nor e-mail. then again it could be the fact they didnt want me to stay longer and sent me away after a blur of a weekend, putting up with strangers calling my work chicken shit in my face and having my spirit so broken i ended up curling up into a ball, trying to escape from reality through dreams. and i dont even like dreaming. same way i dont like how money rules the world or how i always get beaten down by people better than me. which means every other human being on this earth. i offend people in ways i dont mean to and i dont know how to accept their reassuring words when they offer comfort during my trying times. i just dont want to hear it. im so stubborn i wont even give myself a chance to redeem faith in anything. its like ive built a belief of my own and wont take anything else as a truth if it creates a conflict. there used to be a time when i convinced myself that if i made other people happy id get some kind of commision from their happiness, and could just have a bit of bliss knowing i made someones day. so i go that extra mile to collect these bits and pieces of excess exhilaration, and what do i end up with? beggars alms. i lock myself in a room with denial and tell myself things will get better, even though i know they wont. how nice. home is where the heart is. wheres home if you dont know wheres your heart?

.: 10:40:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Freitag, März 14 :.
 
no need to PANGKOR LIAO.

those five words put me in a state of confusion, as i was already midway towards my destination, further exchange of smses and a phone call confirmed that project shanghai had been given a majority voting to be cancelled. for some reason rm75 was a lot of money to cover only transportation and lodging, so now we find ourselves in extreme isolation of eachs own work. as sven said he had already been mentally and physically prepared for the trip, me.. i was looking forward to seeing the sea again. its been a while. thats not going to happen now, thanks to the stingy misers. postponed doomsday, nine days from now. *sulks*

im drowsy despite having slept the whole day, something about journeys on wheels puts a person to sleep.. is it the smoothness of travelling on the highway or boredom of repetitive scenery? i had no idea the heavens could smile down on you while in a bus, nah i dont think this counts.. i just had the sun on my side, peeking inside through the flimsy blinds, covering the passengers with stripes of yellow. i wonder if the mosquito floating around had followed me from the apartment, looked rather familiar and it didnt wander far from me either. i bumped into gollum shortly after leaving my living quarters, he walked me to the bus stop. it kind of lifted my spirits to hang out with him, even for that short time racing towards shadows of the afternoon sun.

after all how many good friends do you know who are secure enough to tell you to go 'rub it out' when you have a headache? and you not be annoyed when they respond in a disgusted manner towards your bestiality/incestual tendencies. erm just a random example ja. rammsteins live buck dich performance for the family values tour got me excited, for lack of a better expression.. i found it a fricken A! stage show, what more since gollum starred in it. totally anal. its so judgemental of people to relate everything german to the nazis, insulting as a matter of fact, and shallow.. hitler jokes are really ancient. germans are intellectuals, and have every right to call themselves a modern country because we might as well be living in trees if put in comparison beside them. anyhow, i highly recommend that buck dich video, geil >:)

i still have leftovers of last nights headache, i dont know if it was the smartass talking parrot or the reds, theyre featuring an interesting article on youthquake today; the title reads: This could be you. followed by summaries of how evil methamphethamine, marijuana, ecstasy, heroine and morphine are. theres also the creepy before and after pictures of penny wood. apparently reefer has 4 times as much tar compared to a normal cigarette, which is contrary to what ive been told about it being pure and what not. seriously how did the tar get there? its just a dried up chronic plant! somehow i still think i need meth for medical health :P cannabis sativa made me slow, i need ice to regain the balance. yea riight.

i had a dream but i dont remember it now. i dont remember a lot of things these days. at least i know where i am and am loving it.

.: 6:48:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Mittwoch, März 12 :.
 
wokey, i think its supposed to be spelt lembab. d'oh.. like i needed to prove that point. i had two free almond snicker bars *munchies* from gollum, not sure why im craving chocolate suddenly. my nap did plenty to rejuvenate me, im addicted to last night by the strokes, static x - im with stupid and rob zombie all over again. i have an ah lian profile on my phone featuring the ringtone wern shen made me compose for him, hao xin fen shou, which -yes!- manages to wake me up from dead sleep. however i did sleep through juins visit to my front door. how the hell does someone get left with 6 cents of credit on their prepaid? my wrist is feeling a lot better now, but the strenous uh.. exercise or whutever has shifted the aching pain to other parts of my anatomy. hmm i cant keep my eyes open long enough to type a sentence. my attention span is also drifting away, damn mosquitoes, ive managed to kill 3 today, or was it four.. i never had the dexterity or quick reflexes for these things but you know how people are when desperate. i still cannot swat a fly though. i tried to catch up with hyperactivity, didnt manage too well but it was funny. imagine having someone obsessively comment on a single entry, and tell you when theres a new comment that isnt by them. he simply has to be my number one fan. i shall miss him when his interest in me wanes. photo freaky.

raksaksa (3:40 AM):jeng jeng jeng
finish
raksaksa (3:40 AM):
by now u should be kena ban
N†ðßë: kena ban?
raksaksa (3:41 AM):
hahaha cos say cock 1 time get kick 1ce
3rd time = ban

geez. i feel like a random victim of mirc bullshit. theres a stupid blood sucker taunting me, i wish it dead i really do, ive missed it so many times.. i must be a complete klutz. i like the word spiffy. im also overusing the phrase 'fricken A!' lol. i have a long day ahead, need to rest up otherwise im just going to waste the day clinging to stuff and whining when necessary, followed by a lot of spacing out and odd silences when my system goes into power saving mode, since its not allowed to shut down. im drained and listless now, cant think of.. cant think at all actually.. oh well. the end.

.: 12:47:00 PM :.
~ sink your teeth in.
 
Lembap.

one of the first memorable words to slap me out of sleepless zombie mode this morning. project shanghai has been postponed to the coming week instead. a blessing in disguise? nah, in the brief hour i passed out, i had already lived through the torture and had it over and done with.. but noo.. i have to wake up and live it all over again as though im in some sort of parallel dimension. i hate the fact they pestered me to work on this natural disaster, life saving thing by myself while the other chinese girls are getting all the help they can get from people i shant name. and i get to be told im in dangerous territory, translated as i will fail if i dont do something about it soon. yay. i actually carried a big hollowed out triangle box in my backpack to school, but got so intimidated i didnt want to show it to them. slotted me in for a friday consultation, please let me have something done by then. somehow the soldering flux fumes went to my head, i got depressed for melting something other than flux and pretty much ruining something that wouldve worked fine without my brilliantly miscalculated actions. its so easy to break down from work tension. and who am i to be even mentioning work. kaninchen and me both have carpal tunnel syndrome, our wrists hurt.. damn this geeky lifestyle. he asks me do i sleep, i thought he meant to say did i sleep, this takes me three years back when i first got hooked on archmage and squirmed my way into the the male chauvinistic ego centered chatroom, back then i never slept. but i did my work. i need housemates or something, lack the self-motivation to survive on my own in a competitive environment. my innovative classmates think i watch bang bus. argh. my insides are churning from winding the biological clock too much, this is really pushing it, bearing the pain. i couldve gone blind making the trip to and fro from school, the sun always picks on me. why does lack of sleep make the eyes so sensitive to brightness? i like being pale though. and under no circumstances was i expecting my uncombed, unwashed hair to be complimented. its really lousy to have sacrificed my shut eye to make that triangle yet not be credited for it. stupid soldering iron. its a nice cloudy evening with the possibility of rain. perfect weather for a nap.

me (2:00:34 AM):
omg my right wrist hurts like FUCK
the45kgdude (2:00:58 AM):
sigh dude everyone is hurting
the45kgdude (2:01:08 AM):
look at what education is doing to us all
me (2:01:28 AM): lol freicken A!

raksaksa (4:21 PM):
how to say lipas in english
N†ðßë: cockroach
raksaksa (4:22 PM):
what is the type of drink that comes with little umbrellas in them
N†ðßë: cocktails.
raksaksa (4:24 PM):
what is the bird with the pretty tail
N†ðßë: cockatoo
what are you getting at here..
Message was sent. User is Offline.The message will be delivered when user goes Online.

i think the last one should have been peacock. couldve been cockerel too. damnit come back online and tell me the answer >:(
it just sorta hit me that i enjoy talking to people with screennames beginning with r the most. patterns.

.: 2:06:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Montag, März 10 :.
 
The Space Between

my eyeballs are straining out of their sockets. i spend ample more time on the computer than doing anything else (even sleeping!) and there are signs of evolution on me already. i sit on my blue ikea folding chair with my legs tucked beneath me and my hand constantly pushing the bulk of what my mouse is around, parts of me exposed to constant pressure and friction are becoming thick and rough skinned, for example the bit between my palm and wrist which i unconsciously use to support the weight of my arm on my yellow spiral ikea mousepad on this compact but ergonomic nightmare of a portable table. the end of the term is near and its the worst for everyone yet, uncompleted assignments, looming due dates, panda eyes. and still all some of us do is sit around and make up stories as we go along.

i forgot to mention i dreamt my childhood friend was getting married and i was her bridesmaid. i never got to the wedding, most of the time she said things to me i cant remember now, and i identified the place to be her house, nothing was out of the ordinary. almost always i dream like real tv, real people, real places. things that could really happen. when i was younger i had fantasies in my sleep.. but thats another story all together. i watched the replay of video music awards 2002 earlier on, parodies are just something a sane person cannot resist laughing at. i wouldve enjoyed it more if i wasnt being paranoid about someone knocking on my door. its someones birthday today and all i could manage was a feeble sms because i did not want a confrontation of any kind. why do they always turn to bribery, i sure could use some perk-me-up cake right now. i feel numb.

this staying up late thing isnt really working out for me, plus its killing my already below average complexion. looks like i cant change much of this routine for the next few days, then i cant write during the weekend cuz im going to be shanghai-ed off to a small island to entertain the natives there, either that or extend a whole year here in isolated parched desert land with the shrivelling greenery, or should i say brownery by now. sheesh. the things we have to do when we dont want to do it. damnit this internshit stuff is putting me in a cube of pins, all pointing inward. i can either just sit in the middle out of harms way, or i could go puncture myself, get a couple of extra breathing holes and escape the confinement i am in.
i think ill go get comfy in the center.

.: 1:12:00 PM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Sonntag, März 9 :.
 
You are a Slug!
sloth maybe, but not slug! hmph.
Call yourself an animal? - you're about as exciting as lump of cheese. Oh dear. You need to inject some passion into your performance, some zing into your zang. Start practicing, buy a manual, buy a doll - you need something, anything to liven it up a bit between the sheets.


omfg. i just flunked an animal sex quiz. nooooooo...

i need sleep.

.: 2:12:00 PM :.
~ sink your teeth in.
 
Stripped

i think im suffering from more than just writers block. what i really need is someone to kick start my engine cuz it died sometime back when i wasnt looking. argh. why is it always so much easier to go downhill? okay lets think happy thoughts now, lookit my page! i finally have a decent (if not dull) background which i managed to legally be granted the kind favour of having it hosted by jekyll, so i can steal some bandwidth. heck its a dumb 50kb jpg tile, i suppose i still consider it plagiarized even though im sure theres no other like it. i spent the entire day uh.. nevermind. i dont know how i kept the previous yellow butterfly eyesore for so long, pretty no doubt but past few days it suddenly started to glare and i couldnt read my own words. what took me so long eh. weird. i took a quiz and it told me im a dandelion (happy happy nothing can stop me), probably that shuffled my view a bit, too bright and cheerful. plus i couldnt get the alpha filter opacity thing to work. yea im stupid. still using the skeleton of the original template. this reminds me of cement and ashes. but if you look closely youll find more flowers and butterflies :) aww.. even the cursor is customized to my childhood and neopet fetishes. i love html. ive been going through my blogroll and realized the same thing as he did about the whole linking phenemenon, perhaps i should just delete it and go back to the linkless carefree emptiness of a non-stalked, non-obligatory feel. i keep losing sight of the original reason i am doing this, end up victim to the opium of the masses.. eventually get hooked and find myself bothered by trivialities. damn, even my cliques dont love me anymore thus the drastic clean up of childish .gifs and links, links and more links. my archiving script is screwed, or rather blogger screwed it up for me.. so much for looking back eh? yeah.. evolving from italian tendencies to german ones instead. lernen buchstabieren. komisch, how i thought nothing changed and im the same as i was a year ago.. but im not. quite. its that time of the month i like to use as an excuse to get out of work and sprawl on the couch watching reruns of futurama :) they showed the one with bender and anglelyne. i couldnt stop smiling. ich liebe fernsehen.

.: 7:40:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Samstag, März 8 :.
 
12:34 courtesy of 3315

"Hi im 29 years male engineer in kl..nice look..arabian race..i got you details from icq mind to be friends?" considering i got that on sms, its pretty freaky. if he looks anything as good as some of these doe-eyed international students here, ill be damned that i didnt reply him. everyones moving sites and getting hosted these days, i never got an offer ever, have no idea how to work that ftp thing either. ive been fine with the single banner ad hovering above my content, but why am i seeing double today? o_0 this is too much. its been raining since i woke up a couple of hours ago, finally everything is wet and it no longer sizzles with steam when water hits the ground. raindrops carried by the wind are spattered against my windows, the clouds racing long like a herd of sheep in the sky.. if i love yous werent good enough, what do you think of the i love you so muches? mmh nice. warm fuzzy feelings are nice. rainy days are nice to snuggle and get tangled in my blanket of clouds. dreaming aloud. hehe.. how unfortunate i just awoke from my slumber. had an non-personal heated debate with eapie last night, thank you so much for reminding me to add cheese into my omelette, what an added zing! a perfect song to accompany our p&c discussion. imagine background music. watering cans can only mean one thing right? growing up. seeds sprouting leaves out of the ground and gaining height, not digging around in the earth to disrupt their intricate amateur root patterns. hell yeah what a metaphor. lol. its like seinfields episode of you cant return a jacket because of spite. but after an encounter like that i wouldnt deny the urge to bite a couple of heads off myself. theres just something about stupid people that ticks one off, at the very least i admit to being immature. stupid lan lek sei people. and im supposed to be the one with no life.. reality check. hello?

me: radiohead - just
me: I STILL WANT TO KNOW
WHAT THE DUDE SAYS AT THE END
gollum: he said i wanna eat cheese
me: serious?
me: LOL
me: dun bluff
gollum: n they all died coz they were expecting some big secret
gollum: of course dude
gollum: u know me
gollum: i bs alot

spent a good lot of time trying to get out of the "fresh corpse" mode over at his forum, ho hum ive succumbed to obsessive compulsive forum syndrome. i still insist my avatar rocks.
Music by: Radiohead - Innocent Civilians

.: 2:28:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Freitag, März 7 :.
 
Silence hides nothing. Words conceal.
- August Strindberg -

right as rain. wrong as ? for many a day without any thirst quenching for the parched earth, it rained today. for a meager five to ten minutes. oh help us all, we are evaporating into the atmosphere and getting lost in space. moments are so important to me, and yet these are the things i keep forgetting to put down.. resorting instead to lengthy write ups of whatever happened throughout the day in general. why have i stopped describing my garden and the sunsets? eapie reminded me to pay attention to the frail white flowers in my urns today, theyve begun to bloom so regularly.. surely a sign of fertility, there isnt enough room for the spreads of green on the surface. what i used to talk so passionately about has deteriorated into a living mess.

i dont know what kind of message these things are supposed to reveal, but i watched it over and over again, memorizing the lame lyrics and in short; banging everyone i presumed would enjoy it. leaves stitches in your side. really. been clowning around a lot lately, to the extent of typing sdrawkcab htiw mullog, neht gnidiced sti oot emit ginmusnoc dna dehctiws ot jsut radnmoly srcabmlnig pu het lretets ni a rodw. dman hatt swa unf. i wish i could type my posts in that manner and just tick off the people who read, lol. gollum likes someone, below my expectations.. finally i can relate to beauty is in the eye of the beholder. mmh maybe my perception is warped. <p> for poyoman. la la la.

my first experience with a voice synthesizer thingie this morning proved entertaining, the term captivating is kind of old. i cant remember what mr. pseng said, nor what i replied.. he refused to tell me how he disguised his voice as a chipmunk or darth vader, or that nice macho voice which wasnt really his. hes also the one who googled cucciolos email. damnit. now to add to a real life stalker, i have an online stalker. what is it about my identity that entices you so? oh yea, i learned that the cuteness of a females voice is multiplied by kgs to estimate her weight. luckily for me i do not sound all that adorable. i know a real live case study which proves his theory to be true, but its mean and unfair to all people with cute voices so, the heck with it. i love my ipoh number. people deliberately avoid calling me after discovering how expensive the calls are. yay. i hope to be the leading cause of multiple digit phone bills someday.

their first independent film was shortlisted, hip hip hurray. kwai sau is in the running to win astros trycam awards (im just making things up as i go along here, dont really know much about it). im so proud of them :) funny how they had to give the penang leng chai the supporting role of 'monster'. cant see how good looking he is under that halloween mask :P i wanted to go home this weekend, but my plans were foiled as usual. so instead of eating hot home cooked meals, ill go mash a perfectly good omelette into baby food and burn my tongue on something. cant wait to try some new england clam chowder. dont know what minestrone tastes like. im running out of instant noodles..

.: 5:44:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Donnerstag, März 6 :.
 
being sad takes a lot less effort compared to being happy. as long as you dont cry. the weather has gone mad, bringing my poor skin face to face with extremely bad conditions, there are more bumps than ever on my forehead :( i really really want to be two again, so i can sulk and throw a tantrum to express the horrible discomfort of living too damn near the equator, i believe this heat could only be likened to that inside a furnace, or maybe something slower like a pressure cooker. i could probably also run around naked and occasionally be wiped over with a wet hanky. sigh. where is the oasis in this dried to a crisp desert?
i chut mao for the german dictation test today, didnt have a problem with the pop quiz on genders though.. somehow that comes more naturally than conjugations. but that wasnt all bad either, amongst the chinese students my pronunciation fares the best.. which only upsets me more than i am not authentic enough as a chink. i didnt see the big deal chinese ink paintings, or why it is so difficult to come up with one.. i was very interested to take it up. simple and nice, with lots of room for the imagination and very much so a cultural heritage. unfortunately some attitudes and my inauthenticity set me back by a mile, so i just packed up and left before the class started. i want one of those seals, to apply your signature on the painting after you are done with it, then again what the hell would i use it for.
deadlines are closing in. if i dont make it for the pangkor trip i am screwed. and i wont have to bother rushing for my industrial training either, which is a good thing come to think of it. then i can continue to waste even more time watching life go by and living off my parents like the spoilt brat i am. disdainful as some of you may be, and as similar as two people might seem by looks.. there is only one bastard that could wedge yet another stake through the cracks of my worn soul. why cant they just leave us alone. the world is sad enough as it is.

.: 5:50:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Mittwoch, März 5 :.
 
squashing cockroaches releases/scatters their eggs

meaning you aid their reproduction everytime you step on one. thats what the lead singer of damn dirty ape thinks. and gollum believed it. gee. the sun has set completely by now and im cloaked in darkness. (note to self: find 9v battery to test out assembled "mosquito scream" electronic hobby kit) i smell smoke in the air, reminds me of the joint i had yesterday. its been a while. i also experimented with some stuff and figured out how horny the goat weed is. in the shower, i actually found myself wondering why my skin was so smooth before i realized i was soaping myself, among other stupid things. these things happen when youre not in the right state of mind i guess. it beats being sober and making sense though. normal is boring.

something about me makes people want to add me to their contact lists and send me their pictures. lol. no not really. perhaps this is a common exchange going on that i am alien to.. while i am offered digital self potraits via e-mail, im experiencing a drawback of the building curiousity and desire to know who exists behind all these badly composed, long, winding sentences. to the extent of being stalked on campus. its quite hilarious, except i have to bear the general insult of a distortion which could pass of as what i am, and yet is not exactly accurate, did i mention distorted already? its not that hard to believe im below average looking is it.. either they wish to be proven wrong, or to confirm the hideous monstrosity conjured by me. i dont really know what i look like to other people anymore, but it isnt much of a pretty picture in the mirror.

comfort food is bad for me. a sliver of orange cheese hangs low in the night sky, surrounded by the soft reflection of the burning sun. why does the comet have to be scheduled to arrive in april, thats when my break is damnit. its so hot these days i think i could fry an egg on my cheek, what with all the oil excretions from my open pores. does it put me in denial to believe in a love that surpasses everything. perhaps i yearn for sacrifices to be made, that i am not even willing to make myself. an idealist nature sure ruins all the happy little moments in life. gollum pesters me to look outdoors to see the ashes. they were falling in the evening. my living room has ashes on the floor. in the shape of twigs. they melt when i try to pick them up. what is the world coming to.

.: 4:36:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Montag, März 3 :.
 
i like holidays. it means i can waste the day away doing nothing at all. while a rolling stone gathers no moss, i am at a stand still and watching the tedious process of a silky spider web being spun out of an arachnids spinneret, occupying the corners of my mind. a thin carpet of dark green fungus also makes an appearance in patches, wouldnt want it to look like the poshy golf course grass.. after saying the first few words of yesterday; i asked for a valid excuse for my self-proclaimed day off and although feigning sickness is most overused, this would be shocking if pulled off correctly:

gollum says: pretend to throw up in class
swallow a frog ,walk into class
i bet ud look really sick then rite
then puke in front of everyone
wooohooo
me says: i cant swallow a frog
me says: theyll see the frog when i puke
me says: and itll be like omfg so sick
gollum says: lol
me says: theyll be.. omg u have frogs in ur belly
me says: operate me or something
gollum says:
nah dude they'll call the paramedics or something
gollum says:
and ull be taken away to the hospital
me says: to be operated to see if i have frogs in my belly!
gollum says: and then on the way just tell em lar u tertelan the frog
me says: hahahahahahaha

i dont know why i have a strange possessed best friend like him. i contemplate starting a new blog just to cut and paste all this nonsensical ranting for keepsake purposes. my attention span for things is becoming halved, interests diluted with the similar effect of having your eyes glaze over from spacing out unintentionally. i wonder where i am slipping to.. without a focus, without a plan. sometimes i talk too much on the phone, to people i have never met. i dont know why some of them call. i dont know why i like mayonaise so much, or why i wonder what kaninchens like to eat after copulating. lol. its perturbing to think of anything at all when the body is in a state of hibernation.

.: 10:16:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


.: Sonntag, März 2 :.
 
the spaghetti incident

on top of spaghetti
all covered with cheese
i lost my poor meatball
when somebody sneezed
it rolled off the table
and onto the floor
and then my poor meatball
rolled out of the door
it rolled thru the garden
and under a bush
and then my poor meatball
was nothing but mush.


from today onwards, the kitchen is going to be utilized more often. were expecting, tom yam, chu tou soup, curry and the neverending list goes on. hopefully its not just talk. it all went surprisingly well, and affordable too, considering the double helpings everyone had and the whole bag of french fries we devoured right out of the wok. actually i ate most of the fries, theres still spaghetti sauce leftover in my fridge, mommas boy working the knife and chopping board, dicing garlic, onions, slicing tomatoes, button mushrooms and erm.. molesting the frozen lug of mince beef. i handled the stove, boiling, stirring, adding to taste, and most of the freaking cleaning. i wish i had a digicam to show off a step-by-step of this in pictures, the results came out pretty good and restaurant like, an impressive ten generous plates, from a shopping receipt of rm33. including the fries and palm oil! lol. well the aim was for a low budget decent meal, and we overlooked quality brands and chose our grocery items based on the lowest price available. lets check out the shopping list, no we didnt really have one.. thats why we spent an hour running around aimlessly in streetmall. we couldnt find a lot of ingredients we originally wanted so.. heres what we bought:-

2 packs spaghetti
+ free one bottle ketchup
1 tin pasta sauce
12 individually wrapped cheese slices
1 'tube' mince beef
1 bottle cooking oil
1 bag shoe string fries
1 tin button mushrooms
1 'netting' holland onions
2 handfuls garlic
6 weird tomatoes

there are some items remaining, but not much. never mess with hungry men. its like watching locusts descend and your crops disappear. familiar with the phrase 'chu pak kwai chiu kaeng'?

.: 12:21:00 PM :.
~ sink your teeth in.
 
31.25 %

My weblog owns 31.25 % of me.
Does your weblog own you?


before i start raving over a new infatuation, i would like to discourage everyone from watching solaris. i fell asleep repeatedly throughout (maybe because i was lying on my bed) but still, how slow and low budget can an outer space film get? this reminds me of event horizon, and that wouldve been a class A compared to this. i guess the fact george clooney does not appeal to me contributes some. poke and wobble. moving along to better things..
the naked chef is awesome. watched it the first time last week, just bits here and there.. juin hated the camera angles and handling. ah heck you get used to it after a while, might make you dizzy initially but its not that bad with all the compensation of nice food and view of 20 y/o moppy blonde, thick tongued british boy. so uses the word 'wicked'. *drools* naked here doesnt mean nude, no he does not run around in his birthday suit, but he does prepare food really fast and effortlessly, simple ingredients (though some are not commonly found here) and minimum preparation, other than stocking up with the glorious food about to participate in your creation. without any high cholesterol or weight watching precautions. wow, watching him drizzle olive oil into a salad.. i could feel myself drowning in the oil as though im one of those small quarts of cherry tomatoes. why dont i know anyone in real life who preferred to learn cooking instead of playing legos and is an established chef now. i would so marry him. i like guys who have skillz in the kitchen :) means i dont have to have 'em.
i am not particularly observant when it comes to visuals of pictorial form -like not noticing the mechanic with a finger bent the opposite direction of a normal inward curl, gollum pointed it out- but i do function quite well as a spell checker, just breezing through sentences looking for typos and things. theres this advertisement on ntv7 for the new interracial relationship romantic series, "each other" and previously they had a little mess up in the sentence, 'win a romantic gateway for two'. im glad it is now corrected to 'getaway', whats so romantic about a gateway? there is hope for english in malaysia after all. despite everything.
i installed post-it notes on my desktop, a very poor decision on my part. after listing out all the tasks i have pending in a typical 'to do:' list, i realized i have a lot of work i have yet to get started on and for every subject too. thats more depressing than inspiring. doesnt make me feel like doing anything at all.
my status message read "whats for dinner?" and juin replied "spegetti" before this i asked gollum and his reply was rather authentic "old friends livers" i suggested we stir fry and serve with sauteed mushroom sauce, whatever the hell that is and offered to make a salad. yum. i asked kaninchen what he wants to eat for dinner and he answers, "u :)". hey, i thought kaninchens are vegetarian! make belief is so much fun. anyway the italian theme stuck fast and we hatched a plan to have dinner at my place, i wanted the table wine but everyone needs to stay sober to work on their final projects, potong stim only.. hes going to go shopping and well cook everything here. i hope noone gets food poisoning or diaorrhea or blows up my kitchen. my stomache is growling. spontaneity rocks.

.: 12:29:00 AM :.
~ sink your teeth in.


All yours for only $1,356,062.00.
Price may increase without warning.

:. curled up & hibernating .:

fussing over html is one of the few ways my trilinguistic aquarian female with an unhealthy dose of perfectionism malaysian chinese year of the dog born quirky bohemian free-thinker mentality occupies itself.

teddybwear: is not because im cute or stuffed, this is just my neopets username. originated from my horny pillow. it also camouflages my morbid pessimist. i suppose i could pass off as furry or huggable. happy?

fuchsia pastels: do exist and after a lot of careful blending we have the privilege of a hundred swatches or so, why not? just for the record: i'm confused about my sexuality. hehe, naw im not.

the strolling panda: reminds me to save the world. plus; it looks zombified *lächelt* roam around and see the sites?

:. Sign.My.Guestbook .:



E-meal


Powered by Blogger.